Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I slept 11 hours last night after crying*

Then, I woke up this morning and I knew.

*Ironically, this whole process and conflict has been very similar to falling in love with someone and being unable to move on. Anyway, I’ve moved on, in every sense.

It’s definitely sad that I can’t afford my dream school. However, I’d be even more miserable trying to make it (truly live) in New York City with the load of debt I’d acquire from attending NYU for four years. It’s an astronomical amount. Also, so many great opportunities probably just went down the drain by my decision to attend VCU instead of NYU. But instead of counting on the opportunities a school has to offer me, I’ll count on my own merit and strengths.

I am not going to depend on my parents to fund my education. Therefore:

  1. I am not burdening my aging father who’s the breadwinner of the house.
  2. I am not going to have any hand in ruining my two younger siblings’ opportunities to attend their dream college in the future.
  3. And most importantly—by not owing my parents anything, they have no say in what I do with my life or how I should live it. 

If I could take out loans for NYU on my own—without having my parents to cosign loans—I would. But I can’t. And I don’t want to get them involved in anything, especially not when it comes down to money.

I will go to the school that not only offers me the greatest financial package but also the best public arts program in the nation. I might not end up with as many connections and internship/job opportunities, and I won’t be living in New York City as soon as I’d like to, but that doesn’t mean I can’t acquire connections and opportunities down the line and move up to New York City right after college.

College is not endgame. My dream does not end at any particular college. It goes onward—it always has—to my future careers.

When I picture my dream, college is definitely a part of it, but only a tiny portion when you compare it to the bigger picture: my happiness, which is contingent upon who I’ll be, where I’ll be, and what I’ll be doing.

All of those things I can achieve and make manifest by my own merit and strength. And also, I can look at my schools objectively enough to see that VCU has the #1 public art program in the nation (and it’s #4 overall in all art programs—both public and private), with good reason, I would hope.

One of the reasons why it’s taken me so long to decide is because I wasn’t sure if choosing any particular school over another would compromise my being true to myself. I’ve always thought of myself as an inherently honest person, so I didn’t want to make a hypocritical decision. However, I’ve thought about it long and hard, and deep inside, with this college decision, I know that I am still who I am—actually, maybe I’m more me than I’ve ever been, since I’m heading to VCU with this conviction:

  1. I am truly depending on no-one but myself and my abilities. 
  2. I have never let my circumstances stop me from doing my best. And as people have told me (as well as what I believe about myself), I am going to do my best and be the best at what I do no matter where I go—that is just who I am. 

This is the right decision for me.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

YACHT - Le Goudron 

According to DFA records, "'Le Goudron' is a surrealist revolutionary song originally recorded in 1969 by Brigitte Fontaine with The Art Ensemble of Chicago; YACHT has reinvented its naive-apocalyptic candor for a neon-soaked dance floor, our preferred autonomous zone."

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Pina (2011)
Directed by Wim Wenders; a cinematic eulogy to Pina Bausch

I don’t think I could ever let myself dance, but I’ve always loved, admired, and appreciated it as an art form—it’s so incredibly expressive, physical, passionate, and beautiful.

Also, the music by Jun Miyake is so impressive and equally as beautiful as the cinematography and choreography. 

I really want to watch this film (except I don't know if it's ever going to be shown in theaters in the US).

Monday, April 16, 2012

Friends - Night By Night

I really wish I could dance.

Also, thanks for introducing me to this, Dylan.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

a talk about fashion with Eric Wilson

I have been a huge fan of Eric Wilson's writing ever since I first started reading The New York Times' fashion & style section (I think I started in 2009?). In the past, I sent him a few e-mails. It's kind of hard for me to believe that he ever responded; and he always responded promptly. But anyway, I just recently sent him an e-mail again and I looked through my e-mail inbox and found one of my earliest e-mails from him--it was an interview I conducted for research for a column I was writing for The Purple Tide at the time.

Here's the interview:

ME: What is fashion?
ERIC WILSON: Fashion is the relationship between people and clothes. Clothes are just clothes unless you feel something about them or they make you feel something about yourself or whoever is wearing them — adoration, admiration, betrayal, disgust, rage, comfort, power, whatever. That’s fashion.

ME: Is nudity considered fashion?
ERIC WILSON: No. Nudity is a provocative statement against fashion. It is the ultimate honesty.

ME: How does the human body and form relate to fashion?
ERIC WILSON: Fashion tends to highlight the aspects of the human body that we as a culture may project to be the most desirable or attractive at any given time. Think of corsetry, skinny jeans, halter dresses, hotshorts, platforms and stilettos, all designed to exaggerate the shape of a body.

Oh man. I told Mr. Wilson that I aspired to work in the fashion industry as both a fashion photographer and fashion journalist in the future--that was when I was fifteen--and that desire still holds true and remains the same today (even if my goals have also expanded a bit to cover more areas besides journalism and photography). 

Monday, April 9, 2012

spring break designs

designs i came up with over spring break. completely experimental.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


  • Does you hate me? If you do, I feel afraid--only because you acts so civilly to me and I'm never be able to decipher you.
  • You have no idea how I feel about you and it'd be a shame if we went on for the rest of our lives with this misunderstanding and fell apart just because I never said a thing but I don't think the alternate--telling you--would be a good idea either.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Red Shoes

Directed by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger (1948)

One of the best films I have seen in my entire life.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

NYU vs. VCU vs. BU

How do you choose between

  • The college of your dreams located in the city of your dreams--you have literally been aiming for it since the very beginning of high school--but is astronomically-expensive (NYU)
  • The college that will save your family much pain and anguish (VCU)
  • The college that offered you the most money but still has a hefty price tag (BU)

Pierrot le Fou

The aesthetics in this film were so lush--it was all about bold reds and blues. Just my type. 

Also, unfortunately, I could only find a black-and-white still of one of my favorite moments:

Golden dialogue in these two frames.

I'm so glad Dylan let me borrow his criterion collection of Pierrot le Fou
Have I convinced you to watch this film yet?