Suddenly

Suddenly, at 10:20 p.m., an absurd impulse took a hold of me: to just go to the metro tomorrow afternoon after school (somehow), hop on the orange line by myself, get to D.C. and just stick there for a while (a few hours).

Of course, this is most probably impossible-- for tomorrow. But one of these days, why not?



Why am I being the frog in the well right now? Why am I a sitting duck when there's so much out there that I'm missing by being hunched over a computer, holed up in my house? Why aren't I desperately trying to take superb photographs when I have so many opportunities? Why aren't I selling my abilities to places where they're needed?

And why, why aren't I out there making friends, making acquaintances, making allies? Why aren't I out there paving my road and building a network?

Dreams don't just come true by sitting around and waiting.

I need to get up, shake off the dust and clutter, and run, jump, fly.

[update] Octonov and M

Ho-hum. This week has been rather tumultuous academically; I really have reached a slump. But photography-wise, I've got a lot to be happy about, not to mention that the pinhole camera Lyzan made for me worked ^_^

So, right, I feel like I've suddenly lost the touch for words. I'll let my photographs do the talking, okay?

Just thinking about a lot of things lately--the obscure death of Daul Kim and her persona, how far I've fallen from the graces of academics, how happy I am about the D.C. Convention and TPT, and the joy that [for once] I actually understand Chemistry, or some of it.

I've been contemplating a lot lately.

Beyond:
1
2
3

!!!TPT STUFF!!!
Ah, Issue 2 is over. Have you guys read it yet?

What sort of topic will I embellish on for my next column? As much as I'd like to write another column somehow related to my summer travels, I have a feeling that such a topic has lost its shine. Now I'm contemplating about the following two topics:

1) the obscure death of Daul Kim
2) How the Andro bake sale and D.C. Convention offered new insight to my life

I really want to take pictures for the Sports section... >_<

Tribute and Speculation: Daul Kim

Now that I've found the time to sort out my thoughts (and read more of the blog "I Like to Fork Myself"), I think I can infer a little, no, just dedicate a statement or blurb about my thoughts on Daul Kim.

When I first read the headline on Twitter or fashionologie, I seriously could not believe what I was reading. My initial reaction was, "What? You've got to be kidding me." Although I don't know much about Daul Kim, I was aware of her presence in the fashion world and I've seen quite a number of her editorials and campaigns in the glossies before, and I could only sit in disbelief--it seemed nearly impossible, too tragic to be real that she was gone at age 20.

It was only after she was gone that I discovered a link to her blog, which I began reading devoutly. Reports say she ended her own life. I find it the possibility both believable and impossible--believable in that she could've done it because she seemed so miserable, so conflicted, so pained in her most recent posts. But it also seemed surreal in that I got the sense that she was a strong woman, a fierce, free woman who would never do such a thing as to take her own life. I thought that she didn't find suicide an agreeable path when I read her post "why the fork" which she stated, "and thanks to stupid tv show from korea ppl think i like to torture myself and thanks to that im getting lots and lots of suicide emails on a daily basis but im definately not depressed, and i dont want to kill myself. i wish you all feel good about yourself and just think happy and listen to 80's music and smile and 'dance-walk' like boy george. AND PLEASE dont kill me.....cos i dont reply ur emails cos i dont want to die....." This was posted on 2007/04/18. Could so much have changed in two years? Could such a distinct, proud, fierce character have possibly taken a turn from her original sentiments? Could a person who declared she didn't want to die and bequeathed us all to smile and 'dance-walk' be the same person who ended her own life? I believe that Daul Kim is the embodiment of someone who is free in her thoughts; or the model for people who want to break free from the clutches of miserable society. She was different; she had a personality and philosphy-- she was the type of person I adored: someone with a deep mind, attitude, beauty, a flair, a strong belief in something.

Did Daul Kim's life end in misery? I don't know. But her poignant, bold, usually brief but concise, frank words and messages hold so much meaning to me. They were beautiful. They captured her sorrows, her glee, her memories, her thoughts. I've never been so powerfully impacted by writings of such a degree of simplicity and minimalism like I have by Daul Kim. She's a wonder.

I've glimpsed a wondrous being all too late, but my heart goes out to everyone in this world who definitely balked at the thought that Daul Kim will not return to us. It's also for such rare instances that I wish I knew the world better, knew people more intimately. Who knew what sort of matters truly troubled Daul Kim to factor into her death? Who could explain why she had such a fascination with blood, art, and such? Who could explain her frequent, electrifying dreams and her fascination with Japanese gangster movies? Who knew if she ever truly experienced a happy day without restraints? Nobody knows, I think.

There's a better word for Daul Kim. A better tribute.
Daul Kim was real.
She was real in every way.

Rest in Peace Daul Kim

The world mourns for Daul Kim.

I came upon one of her blog posts which was distinctly beautiful, breathtaking, dreamy in a way:
"eversince i was like born
my mother said i never ever slept

i think its seasonal cos
sometimes i'll sleep 20 hrs
and sometimes i wont sleep for days and
days and days. (my friends call this
vicious cycle)

i always get the "middle of the night
voodoo dreams" which practically
my roomates told me that id scream/choke
in the middle of the night.
and i talk about some weird shit
or swear like mad crazy

but i dont remember anything
except for certain scenes in my
"dream" or themes or colour

but then in my dreams i see this...
magnificiant ... so groggyy and twisted
and scary to the point that its dizzy and
beautiful visions which truely deeply
inspires me and gives me this spin in the head
the slight taste of euphoria
and ultimate rawness
so thank you whoever voodooing me

pain is love."

Top model Daul Kim was found dead in Paris this morning. She was 20. Regardless of whether she committed suicide or not, I believe she was wild, she was free, she was brilliant, she was strong. Rest in peace.

[update] life is good (definitely) : D.C. convention '09

Because I am such a selfish person, I must share with you all my utmost happiness and recap/note some of yesterday and today's experiences at the JEA/NSPA D.C. convention.

First off, my biggest thanks to Shevy, Jane, Shannon, and Megan for making my experience so amazing and not abandoning me. Sorry if I've been a burden (you know how young'uns are), but I really have to say that I had a lot of fun.

In fact, I may as well say that this is the first time I've ever felt so liberated. Normally I have to be conservative when I'm under the jurisdiction of my parents, but this time I didn't have to be [as] conscious since none of my parents were around. (Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm implying I jump at the idea of doing something obscene given the chance, but it does allow me room to breathe).


Tons more @ my Flickr...

Notable experiences:

• Texting & Zinger: "k."
• Trekking towards Starbucks and back.
• Pictures with RocketMan
  
• Waiting in a queue for one hour to voice one's opinion/remark in response to the topic of sexuality (Shevy)
• Moi, eating Chinese takeout and cracking open a fortune cookie that said, "you will have great success in medical research" to which Shannon added, "in bed." ("You will have great success in medical research...in bed.")
• Shevy telling Shannon to be more aggressive
• "helping an elderly man diagnosed with dementia"
• Shannon and Shevy, Bohemian Rhapsody singalong (complete with sound effects and occasional headbanging) as we wait for a metro for seventeen minutes since we got off the wrong station. Twice, I believe.
  
• Running late two hours because we got lost in the metro.
• Hence, running up a very long escalator at the Woodley Park Zoo station, another one half its length, and up a hill without stopping, pretty much.
• Shannon giving an account of her reluctance of attending church
• Everyone posing as Jesus (arms open wide, stretched) as the metro arrives
  
• An acrobatic little girl on the metro who was hopping off and on the seat and swinging around the pole while the metro was in motion. I don't believe it could be classified as pole dancing...
• Jane's single-handed Matrix-worthy epic-move (catching her falling Blackberry, approx. 2 feet away, with one mad swipe of her hand)
  

and probably a lot more. feel free to add or elaborate.

[update] life is good (i think).

So, folks, life is good (to me) these few days, putting aside the few blunders I've made here and there. Whoah, I just said life is good. That is not a statement to be taken lightly; I hardly ever declare life is good (or say something depressing about being busy) nowadays, eh? At any rate, I can only daresay that I'm quite happy I don't have to go to school tomorrow, and no I am not playing hooky. The good news is that I'll be going to the JEA/NSPA Washington D.C. '09 convention tomorrow (for journalism). The sort of undauntingly fresh news is that I've never attended before so it's sure to be a thriller. Now let's hope I don't get marooned in D.C. or kidnapped or get separated in the metro 'cause I'm taking the metro with none other than my newspaper heroes (no joke). Oh, but I should probably be more worried about not making a fool/ass out of myself before that, right? I pray that I don't embarrass myself.

At any rate, continuing on the thought that life is good, I must admit I've had quite a fun week... Touching Bases, which is normally a pain to me, was wonderfully amazing since the following awesome people were there: Mother A, Shevy, Kathy, Chelsea, and Cindy. Mother A totally made my day. I've discovered that simply attempting to sell baked goods for fundraising to parents at 7:30 in the morning is quite an enriching experience, seriously. There are so many psychological concepts to explore and note, so many things to learn about people in general, and oh boy, sex sells. I never really thought of it, but it does. How sad, but hey, that's reality, huh.

Putting that aside (and no, that was not the most important lesson I learned), imagine this: indiscriminately YELLING out to parents "WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A DONATION TO THE SCHOOL'S LITERARY MAGAZINE?!!!" and then secretly punching the air in victory when you hear coins clinking and bills sinking into the money jar, and also discovering how you beat your other teammates (and no it has nothing to do with having a CUTE FACE) in terms of sales. Outrageously fun.



Now, tomorrow, I am so excited that I can barely contain myself. My parents have already been worried for me since I've occasionally squealed or broken into insane giggling fits, but, that's me. (Yes, I go overboard when I'm happy, and when I try to compose myself, it only makes it worse).

OH MY WORD. This'll be fun.
YES! WOOHOO! AHHHH. I need to sleep ASAP after I take a nice long shower... urgh. And then, after Saturday is oh. Crunch time. Science Fair is horrible, missing class is horrible, but I'm going to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Toodles everyone, good luck with school tomorrow.

Oh, crap, wait, here are this week's uploads (only two so far, sorry):
1
2

More to come later.

ATTENTION: I HAVE A HUGE ROLL OF FILM THAT IS GOING TO EXPIRE SOON, SO I WILL BE USING FILM TO SHOOT PEOPLE INDISCRIMINATELY (OR SO I SAY)/WILDLY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, SO PUT FORTH YOUR BEST POSE AND BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF. (yes, I must type that in CAPS since it is so majorly awesome).

[update] TOMATO & LIFE COACH

Hi folks.

In attempts to fulfill my promise of reform, I am enlisting people to become my drill sergeants/life coaches. The following are qualities you should have:
1) an authoritative presence
2) a maternal or mentor personality

Objectives are simple: get me to finish my homework by 11:30 p.m. every night of the school year. Possible approaches are setting a time limit to my homework, setting checkpoints, and break times. And merciless, unrelenting nagging and scolding.

On the other hand of life, I must say that I have a new project:
project TOMATO!

Lately I've not been the healthiest person, and when I say that, you know it's pretty serious, cause EVERYONE knows how unhealthy of a lunch I eat, right? So I had this paranoia-stricken sentiment that I was unhealthy on Sunday since... I was eating McDonalds, my beloved McDonalds, and I felt disgusted with myself. O_O (GASP) It was weird, depressing, joyous, and terrifying all at once. So I'm thinking I shall not only reform my school habits, but also my diet. Wheeee. So, because I believe that TOMATOES are the bestest MIRACLE/MAGICAL VEGETABLES (do not dispute with me about fruits vs. vegetables, I will always consider tomato a veg) to have ever graced this land, I came up with an ingenious idea:

A tomato a day keeps the ____ away (the blank part I have yet to figure). But it's pretty much the alternative to uh, apples, because I love tomatoes.

So I have been thinking up very strange, err, innovative ways to prepare tomatoes; in terms of cooking. HELP ME THINK OF WAYS/THINGS I CAN COOK WITH TOMATOES THAT ARE EDIBLE/WON'T KILL ME.

I shall let everyone know how my TOMATO project goes when I, uh, actually get it figured out and start it.

Feel free to suggest any other project ideas I might possibly be interested in undertaking.

The College Board really cracks me up sometimes.

SAT Question of the Day:

"In a supermarket, Shakira bought 5 items from aisles 1 through 7, inclusive, and 7 items from aisles 4 through 10, inclusive. Which of the following could be the total number of items that Shakira bought?"

1. 9
2. 10
3. 11

...loool.

My Favorite Words

I am a total nerd when it comes down to words. I really like certain words that have a beautiful vibe to them. Here are some that strike my fancy lately.

• obscure
• ambiguous
• aesthete
• equivocal
• rapturous
• lucid
• candor
• intercede(d)
• touchstone
• doozy
• blithe
• irrevocable/y
• frugality
• muse

What are your favorite words lately?

[update] Flickr - the über cool post

Oh wow, it's a self-portrait. Limited edition; of moi. Yay.

I really ought to be sleeping/doing homework. But here I am. Since this is absolutely too great to keep hushed. I'm hating how fast this long weekend has passed. I'm dreading the return of school. I'm happy with my latest shots.

1
2
3

The rest are at the usual spot.

Wahaha! Although I may not like how quickly this weekend is drawing to a close, I certainly had fun photographing. Of course, these are only the select few of the many photographs I took. More coming later. My head is going to split in half if I 1) don't sleep soon 2) don't stop fretting about the crapload of work I've got to do.

Ah, that's right, I've got to live up to the reform I've promised.

Oh, I'm also doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). Read about what the eff it actually is here. Good luck to me, and everyone else who is going to attempt this killer feat.

I. HATE. GOING. BACK. TO. SCHOOL.
I. LOVE. TAKING. PHOTOGRAPHS. THOUGH.